I do not doubt that experiencing things with others, sharing the moment, is indeed more fulfilling than being lonely, but recently I’ve been mentally toying with the idea of becoming slightly more… alone. I don’t mean actively isolating myself; I simply mean halting in the pursuit of sociability. But I shall explain.
This doesn’t stem from a dislike of those who surround me; it comes from my noticing that in adolescent culture so much focus is put on having the company of others. Sure, this isn’t a bad thing, but the emphasis is so strong that sometimes one can equate, in the eyes of the adolescent Zeitgeist, happiness with having company. So where does that leave those without company? Logically, without happiness. I’ve found that, being so immersed in the adolescent Zeitgeist (what with being a teen myself and all), these equations of company = happiness & -company = sadness can actually become true to you and drag you into this (what I think may be unnecessary) sense of melancholy or even depression. It’s an unfortunate mind-frame because, although some people seem to be able to connect with others oh-so easily and maintain this — for lack of a better word — party (as in “group of people” or “social gatherings”, whichever you prefer) lifestyle, for others it doesn’t come quite as easily (perhaps they’re at a disadvantage somehow) and, instead of being encouraging and supporting the it’s-okay-to-be-alone ideology, the adolescent Zeitgeist makes them wear the crown of sadness.
My point here anyway is that I’ve been forced into wearing the aforementioned crown more than once or twice because I haven’t necessarily felt that there was somebody I could always connect with, but — inspired by the embedded video — I’m going to attempt to yank myself out of the Zeitgeist and embrace being alone. I’m not going to try unnaturally to be social; I’m just going to be me, attempting to chase goals and just be happy. It sounds sappy, but everyone’s primary goal is to be happy; nobody can say that they wish not to be happy. And by yanking myself out of the Zeitgeist, I may get closer in this pursuit of happiness.
Just to be clear (for myself more than anything):
-I won’t be trying overly hard to be social.
-I won’t be walking around feeling embarrassed not to be with anyone; I won’t feel the need to chill with people I’m uncomfortable chilling with just to avoid being alone.
- I won’t mind just sitting in the library or a coffee shop, doing some work, maybe reading, perhaps writing if my mood swings that way. Or just taking walks, listening to music, watching the world work around me. Anything. I’ll discover a whole new solitary side of experience.
- To be sure as well, I won’t be rejecting occasions to be social. If I’m invited somewhere, I won’t say “no” because I’ve yanked myself from the Zeitgeist; I’m not becoming a recluse. I simply won’t be depressed if the occasions don’t arise.
As a person who leads the "party" lifestyle, I'm really not used to being alone, and so on occasions such as this evening, when everyone else is gone to bed and the house is all quiet, I have to go searching for someone to talk to, and this post made me realize that maybe it is sad that I can't feel alone at any time without freaking out and looking into the internet for company. Maybe it's okay to sit here and stare at the ceiling instead.
ReplyDeleteI don't know if you'll see my response, but I'm so glad my post could alter your perceptions, even if ever so slightly.
ReplyDeleteBy the sounds of it, you don't have it too bad, but learning to appreciate/embrace being alone seems like it can be so useful in any situation: be you naturally sociable, but sometimes needing to escape or simply to feel okay on your own; or if one does have some difficulty socialising, the it's-okay-to-be-alone mentality is so much better than the "alone = lonely" perception.
Yeah, if I could summarise all this in a sentence, I think what I'm getting at is: alone doesn't have to be lonely (with its negative connotations). Alone can be blissful.
Anyway, even though I'm entirely unsure of you seeing this response, thanks for commenting. I use my blog to order my thoughts and you've helped :)
This is actually really interesting. I agree with the whole idea of being who you are and not forcing yourself to be social when it makes you uncomfortable. But at the same time, I know what it is like to be alone, and it sucks. I mean, I don't have a problem being alone sometimes, in fact I would go insane if I was constantly surrounded by people. But I feel that when you get to a point where you have no friends or you feel you have no one to talk to, you sometimes need to push yourself out of a comfort zone, otherwise things will never change. xx
ReplyDeleteRosanna, I'd argue that it doesn't necessarily suck to be alone. We're taught that alone is unhappy, but I don't think it has to be that way.
ReplyDeleteI do admit that I've never been agonisingly, cripplingly lonely or anything, maybe that's why I'm able to make the distinction (between alone and lonely). This post mostly stems from my lack of having a trust-you-with-my-life best friend, which is kinda selfish, but I guess everyone would like one of that sort. This post is just me comforting myself, I guess -- saying, I don't need one, really, because alone isn't that bad.
Of course I wouldn't turn one away if one appeared aha.
But yeah, I definitely agree about pushing yourself out of your comfort zones, but I just don't think you have to feel bad while being alone. I'm not saying be complacent with nobody; I'm just saying don't be hung up about having nobody. It's not all bad.
Let's say there is Person 1 who is fully immersed in the adolescent Zeitgeist, and believes in the alone = lonely principle.
And then let's say there's Person 2 who has removed himself from said Zeitgeist, and believes alone is not awful.
If Person 1 is not invited out, she might have a panic attack or a bout of depression because it seems her friends don't care about her any more.
If Person 2 is not invited out, he won't make too much of it and will embrace being alone and find other things to do. He may feel slightly perturbed that he wasn't invited, but it won't sting as much, and he'll probably be able to approach his friends with relative ease about the issue.
I'm trying to be Person 2 in this scenario.
P.S. -- if you ever come back to read this -- sorry about the overwhelmingly long response, aha. This blog is just a place for me to gather my thoughts, you know, and your comments do help xD
Aha I like long responses. I do actually agree with you. I think that a lot of situations can be made better by removing yourself from what other people think. So I suppose alone is ok, to the point where it doesn't become too much :) x
ReplyDeleteOkay, Rosanna, I've decided you were right and that this is a bit of an exaggeration aha. I think it was easy to come to a conclusion like this 'cause it was the holidays and I hadn't seen anyone in a long time anyway, but I had my first day back to college today and I actually did try to act on my theory, but it doesn't work so well in practice.
ReplyDeleteSaying "I won't feel this way because it's more logical to feel a different way" is a class example of 'easier said than done'.
I don't know... Maybe I've already been conditioned and I can't just easily reverse it... Maybe I'm far too submerged in the adolescent Zeitgeist and the tides are against me.. But oh well. I'll live.
*grabs some cake and does Eng Lit coursework*
I completely support your being alone experiment. I have friends and I socialize but I cherish the time I have to myself. It might sound like I'm crazy, but when I'm alone, it gives me the time to work out any issues by sort of talking out loud to myself. It's easier for me to think things through when I can only hear my voice and my thoughts. I'm alone but I'm not lonely because I have myself to talk to. lol ok that sounded a little insane, but I swear I'm not.
ReplyDeleteLOL aw, Helen, that did sound a bit crazy. But I guess you're right. I've decided that it's good to be able to embrace being alone when you ARE alone, but the way I was going about it was, in a way, fighting natural urges to be social (for example, I deleted my facebook unnecessarily). But I think I was going too far; after all, we are social creatures.
ReplyDeleteIn my head, I'm in a good place between before -- needing to be with people and feeling ludicrously lonely without them -- and where I WAS heading: cutting people out inadvertently. Now, it's: embrace the alone-time when you are alone, but accept the fact that you have natural desires to be social.
I did see your response, if a bit late. I tried to do that once, delete my Facebook and other such ties, because I felt like my desire to be social was crippling me. I envy people who are migrant, who can adapt to any situation whether they are alone or not.
ReplyDeleteIt hurts being alone you know. Okay, logically, I can definitely agree with the social conditioning loneliness = unhappiness idea, but I agree with The Blazing Snow: emotionally its difficult to think that way. Maybe it's inborn, maybe its because of all the perfect comradery in books and television, but honestly its just so hard to separate myself from the desire to have true and honest friends. And as I sit here, typing on this computer, alone in my room, and think of all the people with great friends and think of myself with none, I can't help but feel like I'm missing something amazing in my life.
ReplyDelete