No one has died, but an era has ended. It's just past midnight, so it's now officially a new day, so I must phrase this differently. Yesterday was my very last day of secondary school. It's finished now, kaput, over. As far as I'm concerned, according to the law as of now, I'm legally allowed to never return to higher education. (Of course I will, but that's not the point; the point is it's over.)
A flurry of different emotions have tackled me today. From the morning, I felt excited to see everybody again for our Leavers' Assembly. Our pen-ultimate goodbye. Our farewell to ever wearing school uniform again. Seeing all the people who had had their last exam the week before and were technically finished then. Let's put it this way: I didn't have to be dragged out of bed this morning. Excitement.
Directly after the assembly came Stage I of the impending sense of 'End'. We all loitered about the school gates, supposedly all feeling this sensation. There were signings of shirts; there were hugs, emotional exchanges. It came to a point where a teacher of ours had to command us to, "Dissipate! Go home! You're finally free and now you won't leave?" But I didn't want to. I'm going to see them all again on Friday particularly, but this is the last time we're in uniform. There was a somewhat irrational uncertainty in the air.
After this, we went to my friend's house to chill for a bit. There's absolutely no way we could just leave for home now - how anti-climatic would that be? A complete destroyer of the day, an absolute downer. We had to do one last thing. We stayed at this friend's house from midday to roughly six PM. During this, the sense of 'End' slept for a while; we lost ourselves in our friendship, becoming quixotic in our beliefs of unity. We'll always keep in touch. We're us.
And so came the time to leave said friend's house. Initiate Stage II of the impending sense of 'End'. The amount of bodies present was significantly lower; it felt more tight-knit - Stage II was an intensified version of Stage I. (I predict Friday, the night of Prom, will harbour Stage III - the most intense stage of all). I didn't want to leave; we sat, stood, chatted in the streets for another hour until it was getting ridiculous. We had to part.
This is getting too long for myself now, so I'm going to fast-forward to an argument I had with a friend via IM. They (I'm using 'they' for the sake of protecting the gender) made me feel as though I wasn't their friend at all, and they lacked any sort of remorse ... Never able to admit they're in the wrong; they threw the day into a completely different perspective for me.
This is getting too long for myself now, so I'm going to fast-forward to an argument I had with a friend via IM. They (I'm using 'they' for the sake of protecting the gender) made me feel as though I wasn't their friend at all, and they lacked any sort of remorse ... Never able to admit they're in the wrong; they threw the day into a completely different perspective for me.
It got me thinking about how our journey has been like a hike and now we're approaching a precipice, a cliff. Those who are staying at the school for sixth-form are like those who turn from the cliff and search for a different way forward. Those of us who are moving, going to different schools/colleges to embark on our A Levels, are like those with wings, flying from the precipice. With my friend's annoying argument, it reminded me of why I'm leaving. I'm off to fly, to start afresh. Perhaps I'm slightly annoyed now and I feel as though I want to soar away and never look back, but when I calm, I know I won't want to completely sever contact. But the point is, I'm still flying away. And I love it.
The argument reminded me of what I love so much about life: the duality of it all. As they say, only a light can cast a shadow; so upon the arrival of shadow, one knows nearby there is light. And this is what I've found. My close friend made me feel as though our relationship is shit, but it only opened my eyes to the future ahead. The future, it's mine. I will hopefully make fantastic friends. Don't get me wrong, I love my friends now, but perhaps I will have friends that are constantly there for me, so I can constantly be there for them. Perhaps I'm asking too much of today's youth with this, but I just want a good old fashioned friendship.
This End seems dark, yet I can't help but descry the light in the distance.
I love life.
I love life.
